Mental health support as an expat — is anyone else struggling more than they expected?

Sofia, I'm glad the video therapy is a start. I want to add something from a different angle, because this thread helped me in the spring before I had an account here.

My first winter in Uppsala was the hardest period of my adult life, and for a long time I didn't recognise it as anything more than tiredness. I came alone, the days were very short, and my work is the kind you can do at any hour, so the days lost their shape. I stopped going to the lab social things because I was too tired, which made me more alone, which made me more tired.

What helped, slowly:

• telling my supervisor honestly that I was struggling. She pointed me to the university's staff health service, which I didn't know existed
• talking to a professional every two weeks for a few months, in English, which was fine
• fixed times for everything: lab, lunch with the same two colleagues, a walk at midday while there was light

It isn't solved forever, but I know the warning signs now. If anyone reading this recognises the tired-and-alone loop, please tell someone early, and let them help you find proper support.

Leila, thank you for writing this. The tired-and-alone loop is exactly it, and I didn't have a name for it until now.

Caregiving can be very lonely even though you're with people all day, because you're giving all the time and nobody asks how you are. My first year I thought feeling low was just part of the job. What helped me was a counselling service at my college, which I only found because a classmate mentioned it, and a Sunday group with other Filipinos where we cook and don't talk about work at all. Please, if you're a caregiver reading this, ask your employer or your school what support exists. It often does, it just isn't advertised.

Adding the angle of someone who didn't talk about it for too long. For about a year I told myself I was just adjusting. What finally changed things was mentioning it, almost in passing, to my GP during an appointment about something else. She took it seriously, which surprised me, and pointed me to support I could access in English. If saying it to a friend feels too big, saying it to a doctor might feel more like admin, and that made it easier for me.

For people from Ukraine there are counselling services in our own language, and I used one this spring. Having someone who didn't need the context explained made a big difference. Many communities have something similar. It's worth searching for.

Remote work plus new country means no colleagues. Two days a week at a coworking space fixed more than I expected. Also saw someone online for a few months. Worth it.

Reading this thread on a bad day and feeling less alone. Thank you, everyone.

Thank you all for being so open in this thread. It's become one of the most useful places on the forum, and it's a good reminder that none of this is a personal failure.

For anyone finding it later: the Mental Health section in each country guide lists support options, including services in English and what's covered, for example the Mental Health section for Portugal. If things ever feel urgent or unsafe, please contact the local emergency number or a crisis line straight away, and don't wait for an appointment. Earlier is always easier.

My wife had a very hard first few months while I was at work and the kids were at school. She was alone at home in a new country, without the family network she'd always had around her. She didn't say anything for a long time because she felt she should be grateful. What helped was the women's group at the local mosque, and later a doctor who listened. I'm writing this for the partners at home, who are often the ones struggling most quietly.

Tariq, thank you for saying that about partners at home. It's so often invisible.