Formal vs informal 'you' — I keep getting it wrong and cringing

Yuki Tanaka ⭐ Helpful member

11 Jul 2026, 04:33

My language has one 'you' and here there are two, with a whole etiquette about which to use with whom and when to switch. I've been too formal with friends (cold) and too casual with an official (rude) and cringed both times. How did you learn to feel the line rather than just memorise the rule?

4 replies

Carla Romano ⭐ Helpful member

12 Jul 2026, 14:58

I switch when the other person switches first, and treat it as their call to initiate rather than mine. Safer default than guessing.

Oliver Brandt ⭐ Helpful member

13 Jul 2026, 11:00

Same cringe, twice, exactly as described.

Fatima Al-Rashid ⭐ Helpful member

28 Jul 2026, 18:44

Erring formal seems to be the safer mistake of the two in my experience — people forgive over-politeness far more easily than the reverse.

Mei Chen ⭐ Helpful member

28 Jul 2026, 23:07

Noting this rule down, thank you.