My language has one 'you' and here there are two, with a whole etiquette about which to use with whom and when to switch. I've been too formal with friends (cold) and too casual with an official (rude) and cringed both times. How did you learn to feel the line rather than just memorise the rule?
I switch when the other person switches first, and treat it as their call to initiate rather than mine. Safer default than guessing.
Same cringe, twice, exactly as described.
Erring formal seems to be the safer mistake of the two in my experience — people forgive over-politeness far more easily than the reverse.
Noting this rule down, thank you.
As a native French speaker, I can tell you we get it wrong too, so please don't cringe too much. The rule I was taught is simple: use the formal version until the other person offers the informal one, or until you're clearly among friends of the same age. At work it's often the older or more senior person who suggests the switch. If you're too formal with a friend, they'll laugh and tell you, and it becomes a small joke between you. That's not a mistake, it's an invitation.
In Austria the formal "you" is still very common, even between colleagues. I was too casual with my neighbour for months. She forgave me, eventually.