Reverse culture shock was worse than the original move

Marco, the "tourist in both places" feeling hit me on my first trip back to Seoul. What helped was deciding that it doesn't have to be one or the other. I'm allowed to be slightly foreign in both places, and actually, that's a kind of home too. My friends in Seoul now ask me about France, and my friends here ask about Korea, and I'm the bridge rather than the outsider.

the comparing out loud is so real. my cousins started counting how many times i said "in belgium"

Keeping one old ritual from home, like the same café, softened it for me, until the café closed too.

It's worse, I think, because nobody expects it. When you move abroad, everyone understands that it's hard. When you go home, everyone expects you to be happy and relieved, and you feel ungrateful for feeling strange. What helped me was talking about it with other people who'd moved away, not with family, because they understood without any explanation.

My first trip home after three years felt exactly like this, and I cried on the plane back without knowing which place I was crying for.

Our first visit to Lahore is next year, and I'm printing this thread for my wife.

Grace, "the bridge rather than the outsider" is a much kinder way to look at it than "the tourist in both places". And Elena, you're right that it's the expectation of relief that makes it worse. I've started telling my sister about my life here in questions rather than comparisons, and it's gone better already.

Thank you for putting words to this, Marco. Reverse culture shock is common and rarely talked about, and it often shows up on the first long visit home rather than in the first year abroad. If it lingers and starts to feel heavy, the Mental Health section of each country guide lists support options, and threads like this one are a good place to talk it through.

Two weeks later, the unsettled feeling is fading, and I've booked a shorter visit for Christmas instead of a long one.